Thursday, April 28, 2005

RELIGIOUS VIAGRA AND THE UNDERPASS MADONNA

I RECENTLY READ THE HOLY BLOGGINGS WRITTEN BY A MAN OF THE FABRIC. HE BOLDLY CLAIMED THAT UNLIKE THE SWAYING AND SWOONING OF SECULAR SOCIETY, THE CHURCH HAS BEEN A ROCK. UNCHANGED. SOLID.
'RIGID', IN THE FINEST SENSE OF THE WORD.
ESTABLISHED 0000 A.D./B.C. THANK YOU, CALL AGAIN.
THE REAL THING WITH LASTING POWERS.

HE CLAIMED THAT SINCE THE CHURCH HASN'T CHANGED FOR 2,000 YEARS, IT VERIFIES IT'S LEGITMACY AS THE TRUTH.
AN INTERESTING, NON-EVOLUTIONARY THEORY. THE SURVIVAL OF THE FIRMEST.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF CHA..CHA...CHA...CHANGES IN THE 'CHURCH' THROUGH THE YEARS.
THERE'S BEEN THE PERIODS OF BRUTAL KILLINGS, SEX IN INNER SANCTUMS...
(BOTH, THE CONSENSUAL STYLE, AND, THE NOT SO CONSENSUAL, FREESTYLE VARIETY).
THERE HAVE BEEN PLOTS AND SUB-PLOTS (EVEN SOME POISONINGS), THEFTS , WARS (SOMETIMES CONDONED, SOMETIMES NOT ), AND, IN SOME RECENT CASES... GIVING IT TO WEE ONES IN THE FUNDIMENT. BUT EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES AND FALLS VICTIM TO FADS. AFTER ALL, PEDOPHILIA WAS THE NEW BLACK AT THE TIME.

THE POINT IS THAT THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF BONES RATTLING AROUND WITH THOSE GOLD INGOTS IN THE VATICAN ATTIC.

OVERALL THOUGH, THE CHURCH HAS BEEN RATHER CONSISTANT THOUGH THE AGES.
ANALOG NOW. ANALOG FOREVER!
THE PRACTICE OF RITUALS, PLASTER STATUES, CRIPTIC BUT WELL- TAILORED UNIFORMS (NOTICE THE UNCHANGING HEMLINES), INCENSE FUMES, CONFESSIONS TO HANDI-WIPE THE SOUL, SMOKE ( BLACK, WHITE, OR PERHAPS THE ZINFANDEL ), LIMBO, ORIGINAL SIN, INDULGENCES ( WHOLESALE OR RETAIL ),
AND, SPEAKING OF INDULGENCES... COLLECTING CASH FROM THE POOR...WHILE PROMISING THEM A SUPER 3RD-ROW-CENTER -ON -THE- AISLE AFTERLIFE.
THE CHURCH PRESCRIPTION? STRUGGLE HERE ON EARTH, YOU SINNER, AND PRAISE THE LORD, AND YOU TOO WILL LIVE POST-MORTEM LIKE A KING IN A PALACE WEARING HIGH STITCH-COUNT NATURAL-SHOULDER CLOTHING, EATING FRENCH FOOD, ( BUT NO VIANDE ON VENDREDI ), WITH GUARDS IN MEDIEVIAL UNIFORMS PROTECTING YOU AND ALL THE OPULENCE AROUND YOU.

EPILOGUE...I SAW A VISAGE ON THE WALL OF AN UNDERPASS ALONG THE EXPRESSWAY. AS I REVERENTLY APPROACHED, I REALIZED THAT IT WAS AN IMAGE OF THE HOLY MADONNA. SHE SPOKE TO ME IN LATIN.
SHE SAID,
“WHEN MY SON JESUS RETURNS HERE TO THE BIG HOMELAND , HE'S GOING
TO PUNISH THE EVIL AND THE CRUEL. BUT MOSTLY, HE'S GONNA' GIVE IT TO THE MISERABLE PEDDLERS OF MAN–MADE, SELF-SERVING POPE-FICTION. THE MONSTERS WHO TWISTED HIS GOOD INTENTIONS TO SERVE THEIR OWN LUSTS.
THE FIRST ON HIS LIST IS THE MAC-DADDY HUSTLER WITH THE POINTLESS POINTY HAT AND INSIGNIA RING. HE WHO LIVED LIKE A KING WHILE SO MANY HAD SO LITTLE. HE'S DEAD MEAT... DEAD FISH ON FRIDAYS.
NEXT WILL BE THE EVILIST OF ALL POST-MODERN EVIL DOERS.
NO KIDDING, THERE WILL BE A BURNING BUSH IN HELL."

15 comments:

MilesDavis said...

An outstanding piece of writing! The goings and on-goings of the Church (Vatican Style) sounds like a screenplay sold to movie execs in hollywood. Scary thing is... it's real.

quicksand said...

BLESS YOU MY CHILD.
WAIT TILL I WRITE ABOUT 'THE FRISTING OF AMERICA'.
OUCH!

Doctorpece said...

Is it that you are unable or unwilling to understand what I say (just curious)

quicksand said...

DEAR DR. PECE,
GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN. I MEAN THAT.
AS TO YOUR QUESTION...I DON'T KNOW IF I'M UNWILLING OR UNABLE. HONESTLY.
I SUPPOSE I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION. ARE YOU UNWILLING OR UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAY?
IF YOU BELIEVE IN CHRIST...DO YOU THINK HE WOULD APPROVE OF THE WAY THE POPE LIVES? WOULD HE APPROVE OF THE RECENT FUNERAL?
WOULD HE APPROVE OF THE ROBES, HATS, GOLD, ALL THE RITUALS? WOULD HE CHOOSE TO LIVE IN THE VATICAN?
WOULD HE ENLIST AND JOIN THE COALITION OF THE WILLING?
I WOULD APPRECIATE AN ANSWER.

Doctorpece said...

Yes to all your questions except for the last. I don't know what it means.

quicksand said...

IT MEANS WOULD CHRIST PUT ON A UNIFORM AND GO TO IRAQ AND KILL INSURGENTS?
WHOULD HE HAVE PARTICIPATED IN THE INVASION OF IRAQ?
I AM SUPRISED THAT YOU ANSWERED YES TO THE FIRST FEW QUESTIONS.
THE CHRIST THAT I LEARNED ABOUT IS QUITE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.

Anonymous said...

"pointless pointy hat" ?

oxymoron much ?

tee hee

-yara

Mental Notes said...

Ahhh...tracked you down and found you are from from Miles's reccomendation....ha.
Check it out...I actually took your educational advice and tried a blue background instead of the Industrial Black...it's gonna take some time to Grow on me...but all things do! I held my breath as I republished...you are soooo lucky I did not lose it all. And on to you...what's with the CAPS?...very Industrial however!

Nice to meet you
-C

Mental Notes said...

OK...All I have to say publicly is that "I really enjoyed the David Bowie refference!....
Cha... Cha... Cha...Changes
" Still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
...
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)

(AND HERE COMES THE BEST FOR YOU POLITIXS)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it"
-Mental

quicksand said...

WELL MENTAL, I AM NOT A VERY BRIGHT PERSON. I MISSED WHAT YOU WERE TELLING ME. COULD YOU TRY AGAIN IN A MORE BASIC WAY?

Mental Notes said...

POLITRXS-
Shit...I completely have no idea!!!
Musta been during one of my "Obliviously Dark Drinking Binges!" I think I have lost my mind...I'm sure you will find it for me!
-MENTAL

quicksand said...

I'M HAVING A BIT OF A PROBLEM FINDING MY OWN.

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